I am torn.

First, a new obsession has seized me.
Half of me is completely occupied with the getting into an American University- specifically, Cornell University.
I want to study architecture there (desperately).

I've got the SAT scores and the grades and the extracurricular activities, but on the other hand I'm completely stuck with respect to the personal essay part of the application process.

See, the other half of me likes living in a bubble. And as a result, I haven't had a lot of profound experiences, positive or negative, in life. My parents have an awesome marriage,I go to a squeaky-clean school full of hardworking students and I've never experienced or directly witnessed any discrimination or anything of that sort. I never had an anagnorisis or a life-changing moment; I never influenced anyone greatly, nor was influenced by anyone profoundly.

I think that ever since high school I just became too scared to attempt to do anything that would make an impact on the world. This fear is taking over my life and I don't know why. I'm so scared now that I have to rehearse everything I want to say over and over before I have to confidence to actually say it.

Everything is spiraling.

But I really do want to make a difference. I like to make people smile and look about the world.

So, this weekend I drew snails on the dead end road just behind my house. The dead end isn't a dead end really, because it leads to a ravine- through which people have made a shortcut path to my school. I guess I just wanted to see that I had to power to make someone happy- yes, that's egotistical, but it was truly rewarding to see someone stop on their busy way to school and stop to look at the snails on the ground.

I'll upload some photos later of the whole thing.